I had a conversation with my direct manager in which he said that he saw narcissistic traits in me based on his own experience with narcissism. This left me doubting a lot of my own behaviors from the past couple of years. I was very afraid and ashamed to talk about this with my partner because I felt as if I have been an impostor on the good intentions I thought I had throughout these last months.

Luckily, I got the courage to talk to her about these thoughts and she gave me a lot of reassurance on how my manager’s evaluation was a very big assumption, as well as very bad act of character on his side. I was also able to talk to a very close friend of mine who also reassured me on how he has perceived me throughout our years knowing each other as someone caring who tries to consider the needs of the people who surround me just as much, if not more, as what I consider my own.

I felt very sad when I had this conversation with my manager because it completely changed the perception I had of myself. It changed it to the point of doubting my core values. It’s really weird how much someone can affect you when they very confidently make an assumption of you and you don’t have the confidence to see otherwise.

I still feel very sad and angry, but having the support of my loved ones has really helped me to not spiral and overthink it as much as I was doing before.

The world is a weird place, and I’m just tired.

howcomebl - For some reason my browser hadn’t updated to yesterday’s izzzzi’s entries, and I think that what you posted about the love of your parents was very beautiful. I really relate to it as I’ve had gone through a similar process of unraveling and understanding my relationship to them as I’ve gotten older.

alephtwo - I also like the cycle of communication in here, but I have been very distracted in turning my entries here that I sometimes fear I miss too much. I guess its part of the fear of missing out on stuff that I learnt from other more harmful social media sites.

For better or for worse, I’ve been away from my keyboard a lot these past few days! I’ve finished yet another book. It was the “How to Talk to Anyone” book by Leil Lowndes. I don’t think I can say I liked it, but it did have some interesting points. Overall, I think it is very outdated.

I hadn’t realized that communication books are also considered Self Help books. I don’t know why ever since I started considering them Self Help books they have lost my interest in a lot of what I’ve been reading. It possibly is because I feel like they want to scam me or something like that. I guess the positive part of this is that I am now more critical with what I take from them than before. Taking the advice with a grain of salt.

I just got my English Certification results as well, and I passed the C1 level. It is a bit bittersweet because they don’t provide any feedback or anything of the answers that I got wrong. I hate standardized tests.

I have enjoyed writing my izzzzi’s journal posts recently more than before. I feel like they are a quick way where I can express some of the thoughts that I’ve kept in my mind for too long. Not sure how much time I will have this week for longer posts, but I will try to allow myself the space to write something down.

alephtwo - I’ve been going through similar thoughts recently. My main reason for going into programming was because I was afraid of being an artist. But, all my life I’ve been drawn to anything that is artistic. Music, illustration, modelling, photography, writing even anything that can be used as a way of expression I am deeply fascinated by it. So, I guess that now that I am allowing myself to pursue those mediums I question myself if to be an artist depends on the eye of the beholder, or if I can just assume that identity. Idk, crazy thoughts sometimes.

palomakop - Hope you feel better soon! Definitely looking forward to seeing the isometric studio!

csepp - Congrats to both you and Daffodil! :D

tidalpunk - I always love the pictures and stories that you share!

I hope that is good sign that I did okay.

Tomorrow, we take the listening, writting and reading exam. Standarized tests really get on my nerves, so I am a bit anxious about it. I guess I do speak English on a daily basis, as well as speak it with colleagues and friends. That should mean something… right? haha

The Heavenly Tirant book is turning out to be super good. I am looking forward to to have my book club on Tuesday to talk about it.

Found this image of one of the Good Ugly Bunnies that I used to draw, and it really is pushing me to continue drawing. I will take a decision by the end of the month.

I am already getting nervous about my trip to Helsinki. I hate traveling by plane.

One of the things that I’ve found harder come to terms that I won’t probably be able to see a lot of my stuff in around a year. We really want to get to the UK and really establish ourselves before we start spending on getting our stuff to our new home. One trule does not know what they have until they have to move.

Hopefully we will be able to apply some of the learnings that we got from our first move from Mexico to Colombia. I am excited, nervous, sad and worried.

The biggest source of my worry is sending my dogs to the UK. They came from Mexico to Colombia in a plane cabin, but for longer flights they need to go in the cargo space. But, today I was very relieved to see that they started going inside their kennels. I hope they can start seeing them as a safe space for them and be calmer on our trip.

palomakop - I love your picture! It has a very nostalgic feel to it for some reason, and I really enjoy that.

I am very happy to be able to work on more stuff that I really like, such as improving the wellbeing of the people in my whole team, but I am also so very happy to not be in a toxic work environment. I was so tired of having to constantly watch my back.

Admittedly, the people making it as bad as it was are the minority and I am really going to miss a lot of my friends. Really puts into perspective how much bad a few can make.

I want to document my last few months here in Colombia because it is truly a beautiful and vibrant place.

neauoire - Thank you! I will listen to it throughout the next couple of days! Lots of new music for me! :D

hecanjog - I’m glad! I was very scared to dive into this project because this camera meant so much to us. Now, it means much more! :D

So, what I set my mission to fix it and gift her our old lovely instax camera. The process itselt was very simple. I unassembled it and figured out that I just needed to unsolder three cables from the broken flash, and then solder the new one. The problem is that Fuji (and I guess generally most of the companies nowadays) are not great with part replacement, less for older devices.

What I ended up doing was going to the Facebook Marketplace and trying to find the same instax model for sale. Luckily, I was able to find one close to where I live that had some issues, which made it great as a replacement as to reuse old parts as much as possible.

The week before Christmas, I asked a couple friends to help me with desoldering the old flash and soldering the new flash. Dissassembling the devices was very quick. The iFixit guides are super handy, as well as a youtube video that showed me some hidden screws that weren’t in the guide. Then, we went through the process of desoldering and soldering the flash again. I was pretty nervous because of my previous experience of burning things I tried to solder/desolder lol, but my friends were great at it and, after quickly putting it back together, I was able to take my first picture with it in almost a year.

Needless to say, both my partner and I were very happy about having our camera back. We took pictures of our Christmas dinner, dogs, and put it on our 2024 album.

Didn’t take much pictures of the process of fixing the camera, but here is a picture of the camera in question.

neauoire - Would love to take a look at that playlist! I recently got back into exercising, so have been looking for good hype songs.

In other news, I’ve been working on my website a little bit today. I changed it’s icon to a cute gif I put together. I’ve loved getting to nurture my website in a place I’ve actually enjoyed being.

I am back on my PC again! I decided to take a couple of days off for the New Year. To me it is much more meaningful the New Year than Christmas. Not sure if it is a ritual of endings, but I take it much more seriously.

We made a lot of food for last year’s New Year’s Eve! I am very happy about this because to me having lots of food is a sign of happiness and prosperity for some reason. We made vegan lasagna, green pozole and tacos of mole with tofu. It was all DELICIOUS. I was very happy that we made more than we could eat so that we could eat leftovers the rest of the week.

I am attaching a picture of the food!

I also took advantage of today to setup this year’s Hobonichi Techo. My partner got me the Weeks type this year, so I am excited to get my weeks well organized!

I also finished my End of the Year recap on my website! I liked tracking what I read/watch/play, as well as some player stats that I kind of put together for some of this year’s resolutions.

It was a very complicated but good year overall. Hope everyone’s year started well!

Another book that I have made progress in is Weapons of Math Destruction. It has been specifically hard to read for some reason. I think I don’t really like the author’s way of explaining things. I feel like it can be redundant at times.

I am excited to get to read more this upcoming year. My reading list so far is:

• Finish Play Nice by Jason Schreier
• Weapons of Math Destruction by Cathy O’Neil
• 1984 in Spanish
• Negotiating the Nonnegotiable by Daniel Shapiro
• Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erikson
• El Infinito Placer de las Matemáticas by Alessandro Maccarrone
• Heavenly Tyrant by Xiran Jay Zhao
• Blood, Sweat and Pixels by Jason Schreier
• Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu
• Game Engine Architecture by Jason Gregory

I probably have more books scattered around our apartment that I still haven’t read and want to read, but I think I will leave the list as it is for today.

My goal is to at least read 15 books next year. I would looooove to finish reading some books that I’ve been taking years to finish. I guess time will tell how the year goes.

Anyways, that’s all for today. Hope you all have a great end of the year!

This year’s reading list was less fiction, and more leadership related. I really enjoy reading about how to improve my leadership and communication skills.

I am looking to give my partner a new year’s gift. I think I’ve come to appreciate more the New Year than Christmas. I understand the appeal of the holiday, but there is something almost mystical about starting a new year. I would love to take that opportunity to let the people I care about what they mean to me.

I’ve also been working on my new year’s resolutions. So far, my main focus next year will be on improving my mental, physical and financial health. I also want to read just as much as I read this year. I finished 16 books this year! It’s been a while since I was able to read as much. I think the last time I remember reading as much was when I was in summer break during elementary school. I remember going to book fairs and getting collections of books. That’s how I read all of the Chronicles of Narnia books in a couple of weeks. Unbelievable that that was 20 years ago! Time sure is something.

Saki was being a bit overprotective of Sofi today.

We finally went to the doctor to check our allergies. We had to move to the living room to be able to sleep, because something in our bedroom is causing us to sneeze non-stop. They prescribed medicine and a test for Sofi. I am much calmer knowing that everything is not as bad as we expected it to be.

I didn’t do any physical activity today, and I feel quite frustrated about it. I have decided that tomorrow I will got to the gym either before or after I clean my bike. I guess one good thing is that I achieved my step count.

I hope I get better sleep tonight because my head has been wonky as hell.

I’ve been thinking of adding these logs to my website as a way to archive them. Not sure how much trouble that will be. We’ll see.

In other news, we are getting together with some friends for Christmas. I think it will be nice for both my partner and I to have more company. Still, very much looking forward to spending new year’s just the two of us. I am getting my vegan lasagna recipe ready!

Tomorrow I will try to get back into doing some kind of exercise. It’s been too long since the last time I actually did any kind of physical activity. :')

My phone keeps reminding me of photos that I took last year, and it’s great to see so many memories, yet sad at the same time. It’s crazy how time changes everything.